To Wax or Not to Wax, That is the Question

I received this email the other day. I thought it was hillarious!! I laughed so hard that I cried. I hope you find it funny too and not gross. :)

Just a little entertainment for any of you that were thinking of taking upself waxing, you might want to re-think that option (or for any of you thathave already tried and realized once the wax was already on how bad it hurtsto actually rip it off). This is hilarious, if you have to pee.......do it before you read this!!All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises ofeasy, painless removal - The Epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now...thewax.Read on..........

My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fixdinner, play with the kids. I then had the thought that would ringpainfully in my mind for the next few hours:"Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet."So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom. It was oneof those "cold wax" kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rubthe strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them apart andpress them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the hair right off.No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm not a genius,but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out.(YA THINK!?!)So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing eachother stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my geniuskicks in so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees.("Cold wax, yeah...right!") I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold theskin around it tight and pull. It works!OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this!Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-rah, fighter of allwayward body hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire.

With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids,I sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fightingchampionship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet.Using the same procedure, I apply the wax strip across the rightside of my bikini line, covering the right half of my hoo-ha andstretching down to the inside of my butt cheek (it was a long strip) Iinhale deeply and brace myself....RRRRIIIPPP!!!!I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!.....OH MY GAWD!!!!!!!!!Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull offhalf the strip. CRAP! Another deep breath and RIPP! Everything isspinning and spotted. I think I may pass out...must stayconscious...must stay conscious. Do I hear crashing drums??? Breathe,breathe...OK,back to normal.I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that hascaused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want torevel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up thestrip!There's no hair on it.Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX???Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. Isee the hair. The hair that should be on the strip...it's not! Itouch.I am touching wax.I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, whichis now covered in cold wax and matted hair. Then I make the next BIGmistake...remember my foot is still propped up on the toilet?I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down.SEALED SHUT!!!!MY BUTT IS SEALED SHUT!SEALED SHUT!!!!I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what todo and think to myself "Please don't let me get the urge to poop. Myhead may pop off!"What can I do to melt the wax?

Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! I'll run the hottest water Ican stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits andthe wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right???WRONG!!!!!!!******I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that usedto torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment -I sit.Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued together, is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub...in scalding hot water.Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax.So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I hadcemented myself to the porcelain!! God bless the man who had convincedme a few months ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!!I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and hassome secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversationstarter......"So, my butt and hoo-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub!"There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks forremoval but she does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants toknow exactly where the wax is located, "Are we talking cheeks or hole or hoo-ha?" She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her. I give her therundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box. YEAH!!!!! Right!!I should be the joke of someone else's night.While we go through various solutions. I resort to trying to scrapethe wax off with a razor Nothing feels better than to have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hotwater and then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!!

By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I'mpretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counselingfor this event.My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my savinggrace....the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax.What do I really have to lose at this point? I rub some on and. OH MY!!!!!!!The scream probably woke the kids and scared thedickens out of my friend. Its sooo painful, but I really don't care."IT WORKS!! It works!!" I get a hearty congratulation from my friendand she hangs up.I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then noticeto my grief and despair....THE HAIR IS STILL THERE.......ALL OF IT!So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing hurts. I could have amputated my own leg at this point.Next week I'm going to try hair color......